Friday, April 9th ~2010

April 9, 2010 at 8:05 am (Uncategorized)

It’s funny how sometimes you come to terms with yourself and with the people in your life. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it’s like an epiphany. Sometimes you realize your strengths and your weaknesses at the same time.

Last night ~ I felt really horrible, because I’m so scared to lose my children. An old friend of the family called me, and I went to a birthday bash. I am a selfish and stupid woman sometimes. I just needed to be around people so I wouldn’t feel so alone. So I had my opportunity and I took it – blindly.

I was offered drugs late into the evening. We started with dinner and a movie and there was a  group of us. Than we went back to the ‘birthday boy’s’ house to listen to music and talk. All I could think about was my kids. I was so depressed, so weak;..

My friend of the family, this really ‘good person’ – well he offered me cocaine. I didn’ t know what to do, so I ran. When he went to the bathroom, I went home. I felt absolutely helpless when I went with them last night, and the last thing I need is to be doing drugs. I’ve been clean and sober a long time. Cocaine?! Where did that come from? I can’t help but wonder if other people go through this. I really looked up to him, like a brother almost. I told him my sorrows, and he offered me drugs. I will never see him again.

Why do I feel like nobody is listening to me? Am I truly alone? Does God forsake me?

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