Friday, April 9th ~2010

April 9, 2010 at 8:05 am (Uncategorized)

It’s funny how sometimes you come to terms with yourself and with the people in your life.¬†Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it’s like an epiphany. Sometimes you realize your strengths and your weaknesses at the same time.

Last night ~ I felt really horrible, because I’m so scared to lose my children. An old friend of the family called me, and I went to a birthday bash. I am a selfish and stupid woman sometimes. I just needed to be around people so I wouldn’t feel so alone. So I had my opportunity and I took it – blindly.

I was offered drugs late into the evening. We started with dinner and a movie and there was a¬† group of us. Than we went back to the ‘birthday boy’s’ house to listen to music and talk. All I could think about was my kids. I was so depressed, so weak;..

My friend of the family, this really ‘good person’ – well he offered me cocaine. I didn’ t know what to do, so I ran. When he went to the bathroom, I went home. I felt absolutely helpless when I went with them last night, and the last thing I need is to be doing drugs. I’ve been clean and sober a long time. Cocaine?! Where did that come from? I can’t help but wonder if other people go through this. I really looked up to him, like a brother almost. I told him my sorrows, and he offered me drugs. I will never see him again.

Why do I feel like nobody is listening to me? Am I truly alone? Does God forsake me?

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