Friday March 26th, 7:15am

I am soooo tired. I’m sitting here sipping fluffy coffee that is super strong, hoping to snap out of it.

In a minute, like every other day, I’ll grab that little red case; open the ‘FRI’ box and dump my daily meds in my hand. (antidepressants, and anti-anxiety) but also a vitamin, and some Tylenol.

Good Morning America is in the background – mostly because if something happens in the world, I want to know about it, but also because I have to check how warm it will be every day. I’m constantly hoping for really warm weather. Apparently, we sit at 24 degrees right now, and will be somewhere in the 50’s later. With wind of course.

As my mom used to say “I have to put on my face” soon. Smooth my hair back into a neat pony tail, put on my school scrubs, grab my backpack, and head off to class. Today is Medical Terminology.

My college means well, but they push me by freaking me out. They tell me all the time that if I don’t make the grades, they’re kicking me out. I wish they knew they didn’t have to remind me every day. I stopped answering my phone for them. Now, I just want to pass this term, and take my 10 day break. My college is year round. It’s supposed to help us graduate sooner, but it also has a higher graduation rate than the community college, which is 30%. Most people just go there because they want the loan money to live off. If I ever transferred there; I would pay all my bills up for months, and have my car completely checked out.

I have clothes. I’m not going to go buy new ones, just because a ‘style’ suddenly pops up. I’m trendy, but vintage is cheaper and more comfortable. I am not a conformist. I’m going to college to be a doctor one day. I want to help people.

I started listening to positive affirmations while I sleep. It really helps. I definitely don’t think about lying alone in bed anymore. I don’t think I’m unattractive – but with the drama in my life, it’s impossible to have a man in it too.

Well, one hour before class. I’d better make another cup of coffee and do my makeup. (why bother? well, I may not care what other ‘kids’ think, but DHS has permanently ruined me, making me think everyone’s judging me – that includes everyone 10 years or older than me).

Maybe this blog will touch readers 35 and older. Maybe I’ll get a comment about my life and I won’t feel so alone or stupid. We all do stupid things, right? Well now my life is boring and routine. If only my kids weren’t in foster care.


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